YES MEANS YES! Readings on Female Sexual Power & A World Without Rape, This Saturday 7:30pm @ Pegasus Books Berkeley

Please support your local indie bookstore, and a revolutionary new anthology that is being read this Saturday at Pegasus in Berkeley! The book is called Yes Means Yes! Visions Of Female Sexual Power & A World Without Rape. A group of feminist writers came together to update the 1970's anti-rape slogan "No Means No" into a new paradigm that affirms female sexuality and power, while creating space for new visions of ending a rape culture. The Pegasus site has a great synopsis:

In this groundbreaking new look at rape edited by writers and activists Jaclyn Freidman and Jessica Valenti, the way we view rape in our culture is finally dismantled and replaced with a genuine understanding and respect for female sexual pleasure. Feminist, political, and activist writers alike present their ideas for a paradigm shift from the “No Means No” model—an approach that while necessary for where we were in 1974, needs an overhaul today. Yes Means Yes brings to the table a dazzling variety of perspectives and experiences focused on the theory that educating all people to value female sexuality and pleasure leads to viewing women differently, and ending rape. Yes Means Yes aims to have radical and far-reaching effects: from teaching men to treat women as collaborators and not conquests, encouraging men and women that women can enjoy sex instead of being shamed for it, and ultimately, that our children can inherit a world where rape is rare and swiftly punished. With commentary on public sex education, pornography, and mass media, Yes Means Yes is a powerful and revolutionary anthology.

I just bought this book yesterday, I am looking forward to getting schooled. For a peek into some of the writing, click to "The Not Rape Epidemic" written by blogger Latoya Peterson and shared on Racialiscious. They have trigger warnings there, and i would repeat them. This really is probably not something to read at work. It goes through some really graphic experiences before mapping out some of the visions for ending rape. Whew. I got work to do with my mens!!

Also coming soon is my reportback on the SFWAR Walk Against Rape, i'm still writing that one. And i love that people are still donating even though the walk is done for this year. I set my donations page so that people can keep donating until September sometime.

I won't be able to go to the reading because of work, but if you go, let us know what you thought! And you can buy the book through the Pegasus link, and here is a Powell's link. Forget Amazon, they are officially wack.

Laters

Time: Saturday, May 9, 2009 7:30 p.m.
Location: Pegasus Books Downtown, 2349 Shattuck Avenue
Title of Event: Feminist writers read from Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape

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Sex Positivity: Carnivals of Culture, Puritanism, Oppression and Body Positive Spaces.

Hello? Anybody there? Sorry, its been a couple weeks since i last posted! But the truth can now be told... i was back in Jamaica with my honey, having a sweet time being very offline. Very sweet time. I still have tactile memories of our sunbaked, suntan-oil slicked bodies holding each other in the ocean, kissing while waves pushed us together. mmmmm!!! (to the family and friends i didn't get to see this time around, beg yu give me a bly, soon come back! this was a strickly honeytime flex...)

while in Jamaica, my partner commented on something that i wasn't really able to see as someone who grew up in the culture. The fact that most adults we talked to (age 30's through young 40's middle class Jamaicans, decent percentage of Catholic upbringing, living at least outwardly heteroexual lives) seem very comfortable talking about sex/sexuality. And with people they have just met. I'm not talking about come-ons, just casual matter-of-fact convo that involves sex in ways that people in the States may involve an anecdote from work, or relating a story of some old friend they just ran into. My sweetie pointed out several examples: A female friend of mine casually shares about her masturbation habits in the first 30 minutes of meeting said sweetie. A male friend recalls performance anxiety in first sexual encounters during a conversation on high school. At dinner in a fancy-ish restaurant, a pregnant female friend reports how her husband woefully strokes her breast with longing, because he knows from experience that her breast will no longer be "his" when the baby is born. Still another woman my honey just met shares how she feels that her sex life has gotten better and better with marriage.

Its only when this is pointed out to me, that i see the pattern. The gf then says with a "i shoulda had a V8" kinda lightbulb realization, "Of course. Its not about Jamaicans. Its about US. The U.S. is a puritanical culture!" It was a great conversation.

And it left me thinking. Thinking about how dominating culture-centric the U.S. is, establishing a standard by which people are determined to be "hypersexual" or... whatever the antonym of "hypersexual" is. Usually, people of color and LGBTQ folks are stigmatized as "hypersexual", while this sexuality is coveted, obsessed about, and fetishized.

Of course, there is a spectrum of appropriateness in every culture, and right now in Jamaica the Broadacasting Commission is banning the radio airplay of sexually explicit songs, a move inspired by the relatively new dancehall phenomenon of "daggering". Daggering is a style of dance typified by simulations of hard banging, rough sex. One of the signature songs, "Hundred Stab" challenges men to pound into a woman 100 hundred times in under 60 seconds. There is an added "extreme sport" factor where a man may jump from a chair or speaker box onto a woman being (consensually!!) held like a net, aiming his groin at hers. Or a woman may run full tilt across a room to jump onto a man. People definitely leave dances with smiles and bruises! This video and this video will elucidate. Whew!!

But again, levels of "appropriateness" are relative. Displays of homosexual activity is definitely staunchly oppressed, and amorousness between same sex couples could be life threatening. Also many members of the dancehall community are not happy about the stigma being placed on the good time they are having, especially since this is near Jamaican carnival time, where the soca/calypso community parades half-naked in the street, emanating rhythmic rapture and beaming with sexuality (see pic above). The dancehall community asks, why is this ok, and our dancing is not? Class and color raises tensions, as dancehall has roots in dark skinned, working class people, and the carnival community has roots in "brown" middle class people. Issues of what is ok to model for children also raise heated debates, with class structured values bouncing back and forth.

Jamaican culture clashes aside, if we look at the picture above, an ironic fact may come to mind. I cannot think of a national cultural event in the United States that echoes this level of costumery, body/sexuality celebration and dance (besides other isolated Brazilian and Caribbean Carnival celebrations here). The closest that would seem to come to this, is Gay Pride. I believe this is ironic for many reasons, but also because here, it is puritanical and heterosexist oppression that has created the need for a space that asserts humanity, and celebrates the body, love and sexuality. Sure, us straight folks have the privilege to walk down the street holding hands, and be amorous in public without fear of harm (perhaps race might complicate that, but mostly, its a pretty assured straight privilege), and the media floods us all with normalizing images of heterosex and affirms its naturality.... But there is not really a national event where heteros- or better yet- EVERYONE regardless of genders and sexualities, can just walk down the street, sun on our skin, revelling in our beautiful bodies, dancing and getting hot and happy with other hot and happy people. One woman i know who does the Jamaican carnival in "full" costume reported having a rapturous experience... dancing down the street, being transported by calypso and soca polyrhythms, feeling free in her body and soul, and looking around and seeing her closest friends also enraptured. A powerful moment of being sublimely and utterly present opened up... and with it came the realization, the message to mark this moment as the happiest moment in her life. Tears streamed down her face, and the ecstacy raised her even higher.

So what do we need here? A Pan-Gendered, Pan-Sexual, Sex Positive Parade? I'll DJ!! When not dancing my half nekkid butt off. The event would need to have a catchier name though, methinks. The Carnival of Body Liberation!! Hee. I'm open to suggestions.

In conclusion, to me the phrase "Sex Positivity" has a new emphasis. It is a phrase that symbolizes the conscious maintenance of natural and healthy body/sexuality self-image in a dominating culture that is oppressive to bodies and sexuality in specific, historically and culturally defined ways.

Hmmm. Maybe the Carnival Of Everyone-Is-A-Juicy-Hottie? Still needs a little fine tuning... ;)

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Sex Positivity: A Review Of "The Crash Pad" and A Critique of Queer Porn vs. Straight Porn.

*various links in this post lead to material only for people over 18 years of age. If you are under 18, read but don't click please! And there are other great things to read on this blog :)

Let the parade of Sex Positivity continue!

So on our last trip to Good Vibrations (think you are due for a trip yerself :) my honey picked up some queer porn. It’s called “The Crash Pad.”

I actually know a couple folks in the movie she got, one of them being my friend Jiz Lee, and her awesome partner Shawn (pictured above). This movie now lives at my honey’s house, but I am super glad we got to watch it together! This was unlike any porn watching experience I have had. Dare I say, it was a corrective experience.

I just have to say, this movie has won several awards, including the Feminist Porn Award (another place feminists butt heads!). And it really was not only hot, but super refreshing. The plot was simple but titilating, and will leave you wanting the key to the mythical San Francisco “Crash Pad”. The featured players are hot, with real women's bodies. Different sizes and shapes, no fake boobs. And there is real chemistry on the screen; there are at least two featured couples who are partners in real life. You can feel it. And they talk about it in the special features. What else was refreshing... oh yes, the lighting wasn’t garish and clinical. And whoa... it took me a second to realize... it actually has *good* music! The background tunes range from ambient textures to sexy beats, and you aren’t beaten over the head with it.

Before going more into the movie itself, I wanna more delve into what was so corrective for me. The big differences for me, watching this versus straight porn, go straight into issues of race and gender. It was soooo great to see a movie that was mostly female bodied people of color/mixed race, and for that to not be marketed in a derogatory way. If one wants to see straight porn with women of color, then you usually have to get something that has no qualms about exoticizing women of color in really disgusting and objectifying ways, with titles like “Big Black B****** Who Crave Your Blah Blah Blah” “Geishas Who Blah Blah Blah” "Hot Blooded Latinas Who...." you catch my drift. Well... none of that oppressive racist and sexist crap is in here. I’ll be honest, the last time i tried to watch straight porn was over a year ago, and it just really traumatized me. I managed to find a dvd that had women of color of various ethnicities featuring in it (i have blocked out the name of it) and when i turned it on... each 22 year old looking woman was with a middle-aged, unattractive white man. It was like having a promo for sex tourism of my sistas thrown in my face. I kept flipping ahead to another scene, hoping it would get better, and it would get worse. The white men would get older and creepier, and sometimes there would be more than one on each young brown woman. A brown woman with a welcoming smile directed to men that i’m sorry, she really couldn’t have wanted to have hard penetrative sex with unless she was getting paid. I was nauseous. Effing gross!!! This was clearly not going to win a Feminist Porn Award anytime soon.

That experience broke through my last filter... i had long ago learned that if i am gonna watch straight porn, i am better off turning down the volume (which blots out the dumb music and the really super racist and sexist slurs and comments that get thrown around) and putting on my own music. But those images just fried me. It was such a graphic allegory of oppression to me.

“The Crash Pad” by contrast, had no slurs being hurled, and you knew that the women were *really enjoying themselves*. Which makes a world of a difference. You could feel the hot chemistry as they kissed* (no kissing in straight porn!! what kind of dysfunctional crap is this?!?), feel the intimacy in their eye gazes, witness the women giving each other real pleasure, and the hot build up of women having real, volcanic, orgasms. In this movie my pal Jiz Lee pretty literally exploded onto the queer porn scene with an ejaculation scene that is jaw dropping. It won her and her partner Shawn the Hottest Dyke Sex Scene of 2006. And i gotta say, i feel like i’m a pretty adventurous and open guy when it coms to sexploration, but wow.... Jiz and Shawn make me feel hella vanilla!!! Amazing, y’all. Hats off!!

Jiz also goes into her own critique of queer vs. straight porn in her Babeland: Babe Of The Month Interview:

Why do you see queer made porn as being different from other “lesbian” porn?

The term “Lesbian” is an interesting genre, often appropriated by the adult industry for the male gaze. Thus, it is equivalent to “Girl/Girl” pornography and the sexual acts you’ll see are pretty limited. Queer porn more accurately reflects the sexual identity of many of us in the queer community because the sex acts and gender expressions of the talent portrayed in these films are not held to the ideals of the assumed straight male consumer. It is made (directed, filmed, produced, cast, promoted, etc…) by queer-identified folks for the viewing pleasure of other queers. The sex is unapologeticly passionate, something that puts it closer allined with “gay porn”.

Jiz also goes into sharing that "Crash Pad" has a special place in her heart :)

"Crash Pad" also features a refreshing range of gender for people with female bodies. From the high heeled and glitter made up femme, to hot faux hawked and shaved headed wrestling bois (again, see picture above :). This was also a pleasant shift from straight porn, where women can only inhabit a small box of femininity... the high-femme.

It was great to experience this movie, full of hot kissing, sucking, double penetration strap-on action and more. As a hetero-dude, this felt like porn therapy for me! To watch an adult film that wasn’t pitched to me in this narrow, oppressive, dysfunctional way... was really a corrective experience. This was made for primarly for queer folks to enjoy... and maybe its queer for me as a straight person to appreciate this in a heartfully refreshing way... but it left me wondering if other straight-identified men would have a similar experience. To see that kissing is sexy, that listening to each others bodies and eye contact is sexy. To see that women are beautiful, fierce and sexy in their real bodies, and alla that can have a beautiful diversity of expression. Because you know, we don’t get those messages much. I’m sure that there are more progressive adult films marketed to straight folks out there, but i can’t say i’ve come across any good ones.

Jiz has linked this post to the movie reviews, and has stated that s/he feels that my post speaks to some of their mission; which is to humanize queerness and queer sex. In this regard, Jiz sees this work as activism, and I consider Jiz to be one of the Bay Area's premiere sex positive activists.

For now, i’ll just be happy with my corrective experience, and wait til somebody tells me about some hot, feminist, anti-racist, multi-ethnic, pan-sexual porn, perhaps a bit more marketed to straight dudes.... Won’t hold my breath though! And for you bi-curious ladies and queer porn fans out there... this is the naughty stocking stuffer to get!! Available for rental and purchase at Good Vibrations, and you can order it online through Toys Of Babeland. Also look out for Jiz and Shawn's soon to be released film "Champion".... click the link for the teaser trailer (ages 18 and over only people!) and just peep the high production quality, hotness and emotionality people. Its gonna be hot! Something to keep you warm over the holidays...

PS: don't forget to peep the new link list of Sex Positive Goodness!

Rape Crisis Counseling for the 21st Century: Introducing Online Counseling

The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN), the largest anti-sexual assault organization in the US, launched an online counseling service last week. According to RAINN's press release, the organization has already helped over 1.2 million victims of sexual assault through its National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-HOPE). The National Sexual Assault Online Hotline will reach a new generation of people who are often more comfortable online than on the phone. This event was covered in Ms Magazine, article here.

Related to this is news about a problematic new phrase, "grey rape" which was featured in an article in the September 2007 issue of Cosmopolitan. The phrase is problematic because it posits that sexual assault can be ambiguously "grey"... even if the word "no" is said. "No" sounds pretty clear to me, not grey. (This is one of the many reasons i am doing the Walk Against Rape tomorrow!!) This article is reported in the wonderfully progressive and sex positive blog, Doin' It Well (Thanks for pointing me towards this, Aimee!). Be sure to look at posts besides this permalink! includes blogs like It's So Titilating! Exploring Nipple Play.