Hey peoples. Thought I would write something that called for some real dialogue and participation. I am psyched to see that i am getting 20-50 hits a day from all over the world (officially at least one person from every continent as of last week! glad to see my Caribbean fambly deh bout too), but would really love to get some of those global perspectives down into some real talk! And this includes everyone, cuz no matter what gender or sex we are, we all have sexism to unlearn.
One thing that I have been noticing during some of my "dry spells" of dating, is that I have been known to start grumbling about how all the non-communicative, insensitive and misogynist guys seem to have girlfriends, but ain't nobody interested in my ass. Don't women want to date a sensitive, communicative, guy with feminist principles? a blah blah blah? I would say this to women too. Its kinda come to my consciousness that this is actually some "cookie seeking" of the most icky kind. It reminds me of a creepier version of Adam Sandler's SNL character who has ideas for cheap Halloween costumes- "Look! I have a sneaker on my hand! I'm crazy sneaker hand man! Gimme some candy!" (the link will give you more than enough examples) Except in my case, its more like "Look at me! I'm all feminist and stuff! I can communicate my feelings! And listen to yours too! Gimme some ass!" (altogether now, ewwwwww.)
I strongly believe that everyone deserves love. But no one "deserves" sex. Granted, sometimes I am missing the love more than the sex, and vice versa. But I can see that I can subconsciously and consciously start believing that i "should" be hooking up for various reasons. Which teeters very close to the very problematic idea that a woman owes sex to a man. Personally, I don't care if y'all are married, nobody has rights to anyone's body. The institution that built this empire and gave some people rights to other people's bodies was abolished over 100 years ago. And basically, No Means No (as once quoted by a construction worker dude :) .
So yes, when I am lonely and/or not gettin' any, I plan to not complain about that specifically in relation to my sensitivity and politics. As it is, there are a gazillion other ways to complain about these issues without bringing those factors in.
In closing, i wanted to post a video. Jackson Katz has a good short video called Tough Guise: Violence, Media & The Crisis In Masculinity. I find that when I hear him speak that i appreciate 90% of what he has to say, but feel wierdish when he starts talking about the experience of men of color (he is white, most likely Jewish), and that he also basically calls for women to support feministically inclined men by rejecting men who put on the "tough guise" and dating us instead. hmm. I mean, i'm all for building conscious community, and unions that would raise conscious children, but its just weird to hear a guy tell women to to date him "for the struggle". you know? thots?